Some people think that saving the environment is just for granola-munching, tree-hugging sissies. I pity the fools! Here are some green-minded ideas that are 0% energy-wasting, and 100% macho! It’s time to man up and clean up your act, boy!

By Mr. Macho Malinis III
Illustrations by Kristine Caguiat

Side A/Side B
Boxers or briefs? It don’t matter. As long as you use your underwear more than once before tossing them in the laundry. How? Use ‘em for one day (or two) on one side; then turn them inside out for a fresh new feeling the next day. Feeling a bit damp by now? Hang them behind your fridge to get that warm, dry, freshly laundered feel.

Once-a-Day Flushing
When you go Number 1, don’t reach for the flush. Instead, leave it. Number 2? Leave it, too! Save it for the end of the day when you can flush it all in one big go—after all, being a man’s all about practicality. You might even opt to use a “gray water system.” Alter your sink so that used water drains into a bucket. Reuse the water for flushing. Remember: keep the toilet cover down to minimize air pollution!

Kegs not Bottles
When throwing a party, buy kegs of beer rather than cases. That way you minimize on all those glass bottles. And, oh yeah, plastic cups are for losers. Drink straight from the keg, bro.

That’s Why You’ve Got Pockets, Bro
Reusable canvas shopping bags are for the ladies. They look sissy and it’s a total fad, man. When doing the groceries, wear cargo pants or a coat with pockets. If the groceries don’t fit, you might have to make several trips, or lug an old wooden crate for the heavy stuff. But you can handle it; you’re a man.

Shower Ban
Ancient warriors didn’t shower daily, so why should you? Save water by showering less. Added benefit: women will be magnetized by your musky scent, for sure.

In with the Old, Out with the New
Only wusses care about fashion. Anyways, wearing jeans that are authentically old and torn up, or a vintage tee from your Tito Boy’s college days is way cooler than that fake, pre-distressed, poser stuff. Instead of buying clothes, bully lesser mortals into giving you their clothes. Or you can always resort to ukay-ukay if the bullying is getting you into trouble. And do your less-fortunate bros a favor by chucking your old clothes in a box and sending ‘em off to charity.

Boycott Toilet Paper
Why cut down trees just so you can feel clean out back? True dudes use their fingers or leaves that have fallen from a tree.

Fossil Fuels Are Weak Sauce
Dependence on fossil fuels is doing us in, not to mention making us fat, lazy sissies who've forgotten how to use our own muscles. Combat this evil by kicking the petroleum habit. Going on a road trip with friends? Leave a week early and ride a bike. Barkada trip to Bora? Take a rowboat. Trust us – people will think you’re astig.

Saving Electricity > Saving Damsels in Distress
Saving damsels in distress is medieval. Real men save energy. C'mon bro, do you really need an electric toothbrush? And an electric lawn mower? And a TV? That’s right – for that secret addiction to Glee and Gossip Girl. Get proactive. Practice going to the bathroom blindfolded so you don't need to turn on the lights for a midnight trip to the john. And then put all the money you've saved on your power bill to buying those energy-saving LED light bulbs—or some nice lingerie for your girl.

The Energy-savers Beer Fund
Us guys are suckers for competition. We feel the need to butt heads and bump chests because we’re animals like that. Start a competition with your buddies. The chump with the highest gas consumption, water bill, and electricity bill at the end of the month has to treat the crew to an inuman. The dude with the lowest bills gets bragging rights and first dibs…on everything (for a day, let’s not get too carried away here).